Something's gotta Give

     A huge sighed followed by a "aah shit here we go again" escaped my lips as I pulled my laptop close after slamming my phone down onto the table, for dramatic effect of course. Inspiration has escaped me for a while mainly because I haven't had much time for reflection, I've just been running. Keeping busy and thinking of my next move and I know it all sounds like a lot but it's not. It's the simple things that keep me going, the simple things that have all my attention. Life gets like that, one moment you're pretty sure you get to have leftovers from Sunday because that's the routine but then you start buying dinner sometimes because you don't necessarily like the leftovers and now boom you start having to make your own meals and thinking of what you need to add to your grocery list. My grocery list is yogurt and lots of Mountain Dew and the occasional luncheon or sandwich meat so that kinda tells you how great I am at this adulting stuff. It's getting really real out here guys, life is literally at my doorstep and I have absolutely no idea how to welcome it. Do I greet it with open arms and learn everything there is to know about my new guest or should I be rude and slam the door in her face and go back to my room. I'd love to, it's warm, purple and vanilla scented in there, who wouldn't want to go back. 

    My Stephen teddybear thinks it's a great idea too but I don't think my guest wants to be a guest anymore, she's become an intruder. Crept through my window and now I have her here with me forever I guess. I can't revert to being a child, I don't get to play with my cousins anymore, they all have jobs. One is even having a baby, imagine that and here I am in a frenzy because I can't figure out one small decision because it feels too tough and I'm certain someone should figure it out for me but I'm sensing that I have a little bit of an accountability issue and I guess that's where my indecisiveness stems from. Struggling to make the right decision because I'm scared my decision will snowball downhill and crash on me, but you live and you learn right?  I'm still learning, I'm still growing and I'm only 22, technically it's my second year out here I don't know but with adulthood straddling my back and literally kicking my ass I really have to figure it out to ease the burden, maybe I should get harness or something or a wheelbarrow so I can push forward instead of being weighted down.  

   The hardest part about growing up, is accepting that you have to grow up and be a whole adult and when you get on that playing field with everyone else you realize we're all just trying to do what we can the best way we know how.  But you know what, we're here for a good time and I truly believe that something has got to give.